Voodoo Enronomics

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

Signs You're Going to Have a Bad Day

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

* your twin sister forgets your birthday.

* you wake up face down on the pavement.

* you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

* you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

* you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer
office.

* your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the
candles.

* you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency
routes out of your city.

* you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and
then you realize that you don't have a water bed.

* your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

* you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver say-
ing that you're no longer funny.

* your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good
news..."

* you open the paper and find your picture under a caption
that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"