Three Things
Three things to be - pure, just and honest
Three things to govern - temper tongue and conduct
Three things to have - courage, affection and gentleness
Three things to love - the wise, the virtuous and the innocent
Three things to commend - thrift, industry and promptness
Three things to despise - cruelty, arrogance and ingratitude
Three things to attain - goodness of heart, integrity, and cheerfulness
Q & A
A. A table!
Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the Shell station!
Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. You crack me up!
Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
Q. Why did the elephant eat the candle?
A. He wanted a light snack!
Q. Why is the letter "G" scary?
A. It turns a host into a ghost
Q. What has 4 eyes but no face?
A. Mississippi!
Q. What did the spider do on the computer?
A. Made a website!
Q. What letters are not in the alphabet?
A. The ones in the mail, of course!
Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!
Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. Because it felt crummy.
Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!
Q. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A. A little horse
Q. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese
Q. Why did the sheep say "moo"?
A. It was learning a new language!
Q. What streets do ghosts haunt?
A. Dead ends!
Q. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A. The Space bar!
Q. What exam do young witches have to pass? A.
A spell-ing test!
Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Q. Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A. Because you dribble on the floor!
Q. What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of course!
Q. What bow can't be tied?
A. A rainbow!
Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q. What does a teddy bear put in his house?
A. Fur-niture!
Q.What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A.Spring time.
Q. What happens to cows during an earthquake?
A. They give milk shakes!
Q. Why did the jelly wobble?
A. Because it saw the milk shake!
Q. What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?
A. Betty!
Q. Where do cows go on holiday?
A. Moo York
Q. Where did the computer go to dance?
A. To a disc-o.
Q. What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?
A. Russel
Q. What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A. A Bed
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. He was a chicken.
Q. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Q. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A. To get a tweetment.
Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A. A Clausterphobic
Q. Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?
A. Because his friend said its on me.
Q. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A. Never mind, it's over your head!
Q. What do you call a cow eating grass in a paddock?
A. A lawn mooer
Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A. Because he had no-body to go with.
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!
Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog
Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!
Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts
.---.
/ : "" .;;;;;, A lady about seven months pregnant
:` .. (((((((\\ got on a bus. She noticed the man
C` _\ ..`\\)\\) opposite her was smiling at her. She
\ ,_ /_ ))))) immediately moved to another seat.
) / \_= ((((( This time the smile turned into a
/`\\ \(`)))) grin, so she moved again. The man
Y //`\((( seemed more amused. When on the
. / ))) fourth move, the man burst out
. \ (( laughing, she complained to the
. / \ driver and had the man arrested.
: =: / _\
_, _ \ The case came up in court. The
\)))/ \ ((( judge asked the man what he had to
`\ say for himself. The man replied,
___ "Well, your Honor, it was like
this. When the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her
condition. She sat under under a
___ /~)) sign that said, "The Double Mint
(____)) /_/YY Twins are Coming" and I had to
smile. Then she moved and sat under
a sign that said,"Slogan' s Liniment will reduce the swelling" and
I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a sign that said,
"William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain
myself. BUT .....when she moved the fourth time and sat under
a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this
Accident" I laughed out loud."
"Case Dismissed," said the judge.
